It's Who You Are That Counts, Not Who You Aren't

“Don’t drink . . . don’t smoke. What do you do? Subtle innuendos follow - there must be something inside.” -Adam Ant

Years ago I went to a conference that focused on helping people become better speakers and/or writers. There were a couple hundred people who attended and they split us up into groups of about 10. The first time we were separated into groups was at lunch the first day and we had to pair up with someone in our group and learn about them and then introduce that person to the rest of the group at the end of lunch.

I was paired up with a girl named Stacy. I tend to hate situations like this, where you’re thrown together with a perfect stranger and forced to share your life history. It surprises people sometimes to learn that I am an introvert. But that's what I am deep down. However, Stacy and I immediately clicked. We found the same stupid stuff funny and for the rest of the conference, I had a friend to hang around with.

The conference was at MVNC (before the U came to be) and I was staying at my parents’ house to save time and gas. The first evening I went home, I was telling my mom and dad about my day and I told them about my “conference best friend,” Stacy. A few minutes later my mom asked me a question about “Amy.”

“Who?” I asked, bewildered.

“You know, your new best friend, Amy.”

“No, her name’s not Amy.”

“That’s what you said.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Well, what did you say?”

I could not remember what her name was for anything. The imposter best friend, “Amy,” had totally chased the true person, Stacy, from my mind. Eventually, I did remember, but for about a half hour’s worth of conversation over dinner, Stacy became “not Amy.”

How often do we define ourselves by who we aren’t? It starts when we are young – “I’m not as cute . . . as smart . . . as funny . . . as thin . . . as popular . . . as so and so.” Our worth can be destroyed by all we are not.

But I don’t want to become a composite of all my failures. And I don’t believe that God sees me that way for a minute. In fact, I believe that He is the only one who can truly see all I am and all He longs for me to become.

Revelation 2:17 says, “. . . to those who prove victorious I will give some hidden manna and a white stone, with a new name written on it, known only to the person who receives it.” Now, first let me say that when I read this book, my eyes tend to cross a bit and a permanent furrow takes up residence on my brow – I just don’t get it. So there’s a strong possibility for misinterpretation here. But I love to think that it means that when we finally see Jesus, he will have a new name for us. And this name will somehow encompass and convey all he has created us to be and will never even hint at the myriad of things we are not, and were never meant to be. . . as much as we might embrace those things here on earth.

I don’t want to be known and don’t want to know anyone because of who or what we are not or what we do not do. Although there are definitely times when what I don’t do speaks loud and clear about who I am, I want to be known for who I am . . . a child of God, transformed by His amazing power and grace. I pray that shines through in all of us who proclaim his name!

Resources vs. Relationship

“When he was still a long way off, his father saw him. His heart pounding, he ran out, embraced him, and kissed him!’” Luke 15:17-24 (The Message)

It never ceases to amaze me. A child utters his first intelligible sounds and every father in the world bursts with pride. "Did you hear that? He just said my name! He said, ‘Da,da!' That's me!" Do not try to explain to the man that the child could be raised by wolves and that still would be the first word out of his mouth. That revelation will only bring you ugly looks. There is too much joy.

This moment is filled with such pride because a father recognizes it as the beginning of a relationship with his child. In this first instance of communication, he catches a glimpse of what he and the child will someday share. A stream of words will follow that will flow with love, happiness and laughter, as well as bitterness, anger and tears . . . all the building blocks for a solid relationship.

Jesus told His stories to us in a way that would help us understand our relationship to the heavenly Father. Probably the best and most loved is the story of the lost son. I think we can all relate because we have all had our prodigal moments. We've all turned our backs and walked away from the Father. Never mind that all the resources we took with us originated with Him. Although He gave us all we had - our talents, gifts, abilities - we knew we could do more with them on our own.

But He, of course, knew the truth. He had the wisdom to know that it is not in the resources that our strength and power are found, but in the Source. When we walk away from the Father, it is just a matter of time before our possessions are squandered away. Without the Source, we simply burn out the fuel with nothing to fill us back up. At last we come to our individual pig farms of poverty and need. And sooner or later, hopefully we come back to that thought - "You know, my Father's employees are so much better off than I am. I'll go back and work for him. At least I'll get a decent meal every day."

And so we return to Him. "Uh, Sir, (we can no longer presume to call him Dad), uh, I know You're probably really mad at me and all and I'm sure You've disowned me and written me out of the will, but, um, if I could just have a job. . . I'll work really hard and earn whatever You can spare." There we are again - back to worrying about the resources. But notice He is not the least bit interested in resources. What He longs for is relationship. "Why are you talking about jobs and work and earning? You're my child. I just want to be your dad."

Does that mean we sit around the house all day eating grapes and watching TV? No, even a true son works. But his motivation and interest are different than the hired help. He has ownership and authority that come from being an heir. He feels differently about the work that must be done, because the day will come when he will inherit it all.

And so he spends his time learning from his father. He watches how he does things and follows his example. He spends a lot of time with him, has countless conversations about the estate and how it is run. But best of all, he loves and is loved by his dad.

My dad loves apples. When fall would make its appearance each year, he was ready to drive to an orchard somewhere and buy some - just-picked and locally-grown. It was usually a little bit of a drive to a good orchard, and he would look for company. He and I would take off for an apple adventure. I don't remember any earth-shattering, life-changing conversations. Many times we just sat in silence, enjoying each other's presence. When our errand was complete, we would return home, both munching a red or yellow delicious. Those apples were sweet, especially the first one of the year. But my dad's presence made it even sweeter. Somehow I think my presence made his sweeter too. Good dads are like that. And whether your earthly father was good or not, you can be very sure that your heavenly Father longs for your company!

What Really Matters

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." John 1:1

I have been so blessed to grow up in the home that I did. My parents were loving, godly people who taught us the most important things of life. When we were kids, every morning after breakfast we spent time memorizing scripture together. Sometimes it would be just one verse like 1 Corinthians 10:13 and sometimes a whole psalm - 23 & 91 especially come to mind. This was how we were sent out into our worlds of public school and secular thinking - covered with the Word and with much prayer.

In the past few years, all those scriptures have been a blessing and a comfort. The man who sat us down and made that a priority has been slipping away from us. The mean and cruel disease of Alzheimer's has been stealing his thoughts, memories and personality. To go and see him can be a difficult thing. He still knows me . . . still looks up when I walk in the room with recognition and love and I still hear the precious words, "Hi, Deb!" But that is often the extent of our conversation. To ask him what he has done with his day or what he had for lunch is pointless. He has no idea what happened 5 minutes ago. And often he just sleeps in his chair as my mom and I sit and visit.

It seems cruel and unfair. It makes anyone question the goodness of our God. Why would he allow this to happen to someone who loved and served Him so faithfully? Those are the times when those scriptures come tumbling in - sometimes unexpected and so beautiful. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6) "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:4-7)

And so it was especially sweet today when I got an email from my mom. She said, "Yesterday while I was with Dad, the head nurse came in to do an evaluation memory test -- date, year, season, etc. He didn't do well on those, but he could spell WORLD frontwards and backwards and he folded a piece of 8 1/2" x 11" paper in half. It took a while because he was doing it on his lap and he is slow. It looked like a perfectly folded bulletin (one of his "things") when he was through. Then she asked him to write a sentence. He sat with the pen and clipboard looking out the window for several minutes. Cathy said, 'Write about anything . . .' He finally started to write three words at a time: 'In the beginning . . . was the Word . . . and the Word . . . and the Word . . . was with God . . .'"

I cannot express what this means to me. The depth of emotion I feel over this is surprising, even to me. It makes me love my dad more than ever and it tells you exactly the kind of person he was. Oh, how I want to live like this. How I hope that when everything else is stripped away from my mind, I still know the most important thing there is to know - that God is, has always been and always will be!

Thank you, God, for your faithfulness and for rewarding us in ways we would not guess. Thank you for the unfailing truth of your Word - the Word made flesh. Thank you that even when we don't understand, you have purpose and a plan. You are all we need and you are more than enough!